In honor of Mark Razien (Daddio)

In my last blog post, I discussed my dad's illness and the kind of death that would surely follow. I'd like to take this time to print a joyful retraction. My Daddio did not suffer, but rather passed naturally surrounded by family.

My Daddio even had a chance to tell my momma how much he loved her the night before he passed into glory. And I know he passed into glory because, during my stay over Christmas, my Daddio confessed Christ as his Lord and savior.

I gave the eulogy at my Daddio's funeral yesterday. To the glory of God, I delivered my Daddio's final tribute with both eloquency and clarity. 

Below is the copy of my eulogy.

This is to you, Daddio. Shall your legacy live on.

**************************

Summer 2007

If I had to describe my daddio in one sentence it would be that Mark Razien was a man of integrity who thrived on making people smile – blessing his family, friends and community through his quick wit, generosity and quirky sense of humor.

Daddio was passionate, loving and crazy smart. Everywhere he went he often left people – both friends and strangers alike -- laughing uncontrollably at his jokes that I had heard for the umpteenth time, jokes that took on new life every time he retold them, bringing a smile to my face over and over again.

He was the life of the party. When Mark Razien entered a room – people knew it because the atmosphere changed instantly. He was boisterously merry and lighthearted. His magnetic personality attracted people from all walks of life – no matter where we were or what we were doing. 

In fact, his brother, Charles Razien, said it best in a recent commemorative Facebook post, which I’d like to read aloud now: 

As many of my friends know, my brother Mark passed away yesterday morning. Mark was 18 months older than me, a year apart in school, and so we shared a close brotherhood. I have so many stories I could tell that it would take forever to get through half of them. But let me just say that it was great to have Mark as my brother.

It is hard to process his passing. I will always be known as "Mark's brother", maybe in part because he was older and got there first. But the real reason is this. Through out my life, often when being introduced to a stranger, the introduction would so often go like this. "I'd like you to meet Charles Razien" I'd extend my hand, and while taking my hand to shake the new acquaintance would pause and say, "Oh, you must be MARK'S Brother!" I would hear this so often throughout my life I would half always expect it. My response would usually be "yes, but how do you know Mark?" Then I would get a great story from this new acquaintance on how they met in line at the airport, or pumping gas, or.....a million different ways. 

My brother did not know a stranger. To him, everyone was someone to know and share a bit of fun with. The crazy thing is that sometimes these encounters would come from people from far and wide....and people would remember Mark so well that when introduced to me often many months or years later, they would say, "oh you must be Mark's brother!" 

One time while I was in college David Boren came through the campus while campaigning for Governor and while there he went through the student union just to shake some hands. When his entourage came through the area I was at, I shook his hand and said hello Mr. Boren I'm Charles Razien. The Democratic Nominee for Governor paused for a brief moment, smiled and said, "oh, you must be Mark's brother!" I have A LOT of stories like that....but that one does pop out. I have no doubt that for many years to come when ever I meet some one new I am still likely to hear that old "Oh, you must be Mark's brother". And I want you to know that I will always be proud to say "YES I AM!"

As you can see, Daddio loved people and they loved him, plain and simple. But his heart belonged to his family. A couple nights ago we sat around my mom’s kitchen table sharing sweet memories and I’d like to share a few of those with you today.

Momma

My mom, Sandy Razien, was the love of Daddio’s life. They celebrated their 45 years of marriage on November 4, 2017.

They met in 1971 at TG&Y, a local retailer where my mom worked. Mom recalled that she was having a hard time opening a box, when Dad, who was there with his mom and grandmother, stopped to help her open it. She said she was enamored by his good looks, particularly with his rich olive complexion and bright smile. The next time she remembers running into him was when he passed her while dragging main street. She said he recognized her, honked and asked if she wanted to ride with him for a bit. Mom said the relationship grew from there and they were married on November 4, 1972.

What drew momma to my daddio was how respectful and kind he was to her parents. On their date nights, Daddio would first go in and visit with her parents. Mom said that she would be attempting to drag him out the door the whole time. These interactions led to a strong bond between my daddio and my grandfather Buck whom, mom said, did not take kindly to her boyfriends. Mom said he immediately took to Mark Razien.

Daddio showed mom he loved her by throwing her surprise birthday parties, sending her flowers and purchasing the latest infomercial gadgets that he thought she could use around the house. I know, it is a little quirky . . .but, she loved it. My mom is frugal and would much rather have something she could use around the house like her George Foreman grill, New Wave Oven and shark vacuum than all the diamonds in the world. My daddio knew this – because he knew her -- and responded accordingly.

I’d also like to add that they were quite the dancers. They glided across the dance floor and there was but one person who could follow my dad’s steps . . . and that was my momma. I came in at a close second.

A couple of years ago, Daddio called me so excited about what he had gotten mom for Christmas. He knew she was going to be elated and he had to tell someone before he slipped up and told her before Christmas arrived. He got her a large format printer and a heat press to use to make crafts. Although he pointed fun at her choice past-time, Daddio was both happy to fund it and proud of her end designs.

This year for Christmas, Daddio wanted to give momma something that she would cherish forever. But because he had hard time thinking properly and navigating a computer, he couldn’t order a gift himself. So his sister, my Aunt Sylvia, offered to order a diamond necklace for him to give to my momma for Christmas. These diamonds my mom accepted with great joy and she wears them around her neck today.

KIDS & GRANDKIDS

Another bright spot in my Daddio’s life were his kids and grandkids. To his kids, he was the best father in the world, hands down; To his grandkids, he was a father figure who strived laboriously to give them a stable life, instilling in them principles and values that they will carry into adulthood.

AMANDA

I don’t know if you know this, but I was supposed to be a boy. Aaron Christopher Razien. When I came out as a girl, momma and daddio had to pick a name that matched the initials on my bedroom wall, thus my full name, Amanda Candyce Razien.

The ongoing joke has been that my Momma didn’t want my Daddio in the delivery room because he would be cracking jokes while she was in labor in an effort to distract her from the pain of child birth.

My Grandma Cleo, Daddio’s mom, told me of his initial reaction when he learned that he had had a baby girl instead of a boy. She said it took him a few seconds to process, then a wide, ear-to-ear grin came across his face. From that moment on, he was my Daddio and I was his baby girl.

When I was a young girl, I remember dancing with my daddio to Golden Oldies. We danced until I was tired, then he would fly me to bed while making airplane sounds, plop me down and kiss me goodnight. Then we woke up early the next morning to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

As a teenager, Daddio got a kick out of embarrassing me and my girlfriends. This continued with Natalie and her girlfriends, as well as my brother, Nathan, and my nephew, Kaidden, his oldest grandson.

One way he would embarrass us was by taking us to Sonic for a coke or an ice cream, then drag main with his Golden Oldies blasting. I remember my friend, Keista, and me hitting the floor board. Although we were embarrassed, we loved it and this became a special memory that we’d share forever. Kaidden said he would pull up to pick him up from high school while blasting the Beatles. Kaidden said, rather than being embarrassed, he danced along to the music.

I enjoyed riding around with my Daddio, listening to his stories of when he worked in politics, of the politicians he had met like David Boren, former Oklahoma Governor George Nigh and Speaker of the House Carl Albert. It was also during these drives that he would talk to me about values and principles and how to apply those to every aspect of life.

My daddio and I talked on the phone regularly. We enjoyed talking about politics, life and the Bible. He looked forward to coming to St. Louis to see me, Chad and Chase. It was always a fun time! We hung out on our back deck and visited until the wee hours of the morning. Daddio loved our backyard and that is where he spent most of his time when he was in St. Louis. He enjoyed the privacy as well as the natural beauty that backs up to my backyard. Daddio would also drive me and momma from thrift shop to thrift shop and tell us to take our time in the stores. While we shopped, he’d wait patiently in his truck people-watching and listening to the Beatles. My son, Chase, and he had nick names for each other. Chase called him "Mustard Head" and Daddio called Chase “Pinball Head.” Chase said he will miss Daddio calling him Pinball Head and his funny jokes.

Daddio knew how to pull himself up again during hard times and he did it with integrity. One particular moment that stands out was when he had lost his job and Daddio knew that the cars were going to be repossessed. Rather than waiting on the inevitable, dad had the car detailed, drove it to the bank and personally delivered the keys to the bank manager.

The first time I saw my Daddio cry was in 1997, the day he dropped me off at The University of Oklahoma for college. The days leading up to that day I had been trying to convince him to let me go to a smaller college instead. He said no and for me to at least give a big college a shot. However, upon unloading the car and moving me into the dorm, he was having second thoughts. Just before he drove off he looked at me and said with tears in his eyes, "Baby, if you really want to go home, you can. you can leave with me right now." Of course I stayed and then transferred to Southwestern Oklahoma State University that next semester. He was happy to have me closer to home.

NATALIE

What my sister, Natalie, said will always remain with her about dad is his perseverance as well as his love for his wife and family. She remembers that no matter how bad things were financially, we never knew it. She said her dad made it his first priority to ensure his wife and children were provided for and this continued on with his grandkids. 

Natalie said she will miss their polticial and conspiracy theory conversations. Natalie and Daddio marveled together at the expanse of our universe, the possibility of life on other planets and how our human minds simply cannot grasp the perfect order of it all.

Natalie remembers Dad's old adage, "through repetition, excellence will be achieved." He refused to say "practice makes perfect" because he would say that humans are not perfect, but that through practice we can be excellent at whatever we put our minds to. She also remembers another common "dad saying," which was "other people are stupid." I know, this sounds really bad. But what he meant was that we should never let others dictate our happiness through their negative words or deeds against us.

Natalie said Daddio knew her better than anyone. She said he was her "bestie and her buddy." Their special thing together was going to the casinos and getting scratch-off tickets, which is what he got her every year for her birthday. This past Christmas, because he knew he would not be here for her birthday in April, he gave her $100 in cash for her to enjoy a round of roulette on him -- Daddio's favorite game.

NATHAN

Some of my brother's fondest memories include riding around, drinking soda pop and listening to Golden Oldies. The lessons Nathan learned from dad weren't about changing the oil on a car or fixing a leaky sink, but rather the qualities of a good man -- qualities that Dad knew were fading in an increasingly selfish world.

Nathan said Daddio was more focused on molding his mind than teaching him handy-man skills, which Nathan noted you can learn from anyone, anywhere. Nathan said the values dad instilled in him are timeless beyond one's life on this earth. These are qualities that reflect one's character, a legacy to pass on to future generations.

Nathan said he appreciated Dad’s ability to integrate life lessons during every day life activities. For instance, one particular moment that stands out to Nathan is the time he and dad walked over to the quick stop near our home to get a coke. Upon entering the store, Nathan stuck his finger in the bell that alerted staff of a customer’s presence. Well his finger got stuck and he had to pull really hard to get it out. He remembers whining due to the pain. Instead of babying him, Dad said with a chuckle, “Well, Nathan, now you know never to do that again.” 

During their walk home, Daddio expanded on this incident to teach Nathan to always learn from your mistakes. This has stuck with Nathan and, although he has not always heeded this advice, he understands the importance of this valuable life lesson.

In CONCLUSION

My Daddio taught us these life lessons because he understood that truth exists and that there is a such a thing as right and wrong. He used to tell me, “If truth is relative, then truth does not exist,” and, “While you have the freedom to believe whatever you choose to believe, it does not necessarily mean that what you believe is the truth.”

That said, when I was in Woodward for Christmas my Daddio confessed Christ as his Lord and savior without prompting. Daddio let us know that there is but one way to the Father and that is through Christ.

Romans 10:9 ~ “because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

And this my friends is what it is all about. While we mourn Daddio’s death today, we have a hope that transcends this life and that is in Jesus.

If I had to pick one verse that reminds me of Daddio, it would be 1 Corinthians 13:13:

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

My Daddio loved deeply, maintained an endless optimism, even during hard times, and his legacy will live on. While it is at the moment unbearable to imagine my life without him, I can rest easy knowing that my Daddio is in the hands of my savior. And for that, I will be forever thankful.

**********************