I stayed home sick today from work, and so as to not waste the time the good Lord has given me, I wrote this blog post to tell you about my "new normal" -- the life without my daddio that has just begun. A life in which I find myself leaning more and more on the spirit of Christ for a renewed energy to move forward and work diligently for His namesake.
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The yearning to pick up the phone and call my dad is only intensifying; The shock to the heart each time I realize I can't is becoming more powerful; and the reality that I will not see my dad again on this earth is beginning to set in - producing a grief so deep that sometimes I feel as if I am walking blindly into a future that I do not recognize, a future that I have no idea how to navigate.
When this happens, my "fight or flight" response kicks in and many times I feel as if I want to run as fast as I can to escape the sadness or simply "stay busy" so as to not have to think about it. But then my mind quickly shifts back to my pastor's advice on how to deal with the grief: He said, "keep leaning in, even in the hurt."
You see, the world tends to embrace extremes in the face of tribulations, such as: 1) To dwell on our situation to the point of handicap where we blame or question God for our predicament; 2) The pagan analogy of drawing from our "inner strength" to be strong and courageous in the face of trials; or 3) Talking about the situation until the problem at-hand has consumed every aspect of our being.
Naturally, because we live in the world, it is easy for us to adopt the above emotional extremes without even realizing it. Because the world neither knows God nor acknowledges Him, it lacks wisdom and therefore can only provide band-aids to an inherited heart condition that creates a vicious cycle of reprieve and anger, often resulting in a breakdown of one's character and/or ability to properly function in a fallen world.
So what does it look like for a Christian to lean into grief? What exactly did my pastor mean by this?
Well, we know from John 11:33-36 that "Jesus wept" over the death of Lazarus and the grief it brought upon his fellow Jews. Jesus experienced grief, and he wept.
Ecclesiastes 3 notes that we will encounter different seasons in life:
"1) For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under Heaven . . 4) a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. . ."James 1:2-4 speaks to how our tribulations strengthen our faith:
"Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. and let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."2 Corinthians 4 says that our current afflictions are preparing us for something much better:
"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."In Genesis 50:20, Joseph tells his brothers (who conspired together to sell him into slavery):
"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today."And in Romans 8:28:
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."As I lean into the pain, I find myself grateful that the Lord gave me an earthly father who left such an impression on me that losing him has prompted such deep grief. I weep, but am simultaneously reminded that God is using this loss for the good of many.
I find myself at the foot of the cross with the realization that I am not in control, humbled by gratitude that God became man to walk in our shoes, to grieve with us, to comfort us, to be rejected by his own and ultimately to die for us, so that one day those in Christ will inherit the eternal glory spoken of in 2 Corinthians 4. The Father used Christ's temporary suffering to save those he chose in him before the foundation of this world (Ephesians 1).
"Leaning in" has brought me immense gratitude as well as a reinforced faith in God's sovereignty and purpose in my life.
I am not walking blindly into the unknown, but rather I am walking by faith, navigated by the Holy Spirit who renews my broken heart daily and gives me strength to face tomorrow. This power does not come from myself, but rather from the One who chose me, who called me and is now sanctifying me.
This is my new normal.
The world walks by sight. We walk by faith.
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Thank you, Lord, for saving me and for assuring me that this is but a season under Heaven during which your purpose is being fulfilled. May others feel your love as well as the need for the Savior of mankind in whom to place their faith. ~In Jesus name, Amen.
"He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always of good courage. . . for we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:5-9
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